My lesson this week - ' everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have'
Namaste
And here I am just into my 3rd week at
home and thankfully not addicted to day time TV – actually the TV is very seldom
on.
My life has become so simple its uncanny, a short
prayer to Amida Buddha and Mother Universe kick starts my day, simply ‘thank you for the gift of waking up to another fantastic day’
Friends are very kind taking me out for a airing
every now and then, thankfully there is a coffee shop not too far that has
access wide enough for the chair or frame and is wonderfully gluten free and
all lo-cal.
Have to admit I was trundling along ok – yes there
were times in the day when I was a bit down or just days when things felt more
difficult. But nothing had prepared me for the ‘melt down’ that was about to
happen.
Friday I had a meeting with the Police to give my
side of events, unfortunately I am a visual learner and communicator and in
recounting my story I was also visualizing it. I had not been unconscious at
any stage and unfortunately again I have a great memory for detail. As I spoke
I could hear sounds, voices, smell smells, I could feel all the claustrophobia
of the collar and then the spine board while waiting for the Fire Brigade to
get me out.
My mind was buzzing - alive with vivid sights and sounds, I kept distracted as much as I could on Saturday and
thankfully good friends took me out to lunch on Sunday, I had a lovely time, even some wine and for a split second I forgot! - but then when I got home
the trauma really kicked in.
I was home, I felt I was in a safe place, safe company and then it happened - it was like all the balls I had been juggling came crashing down – the shock started to rip through me and I could neither stop shaking or crying – I sounded like a wounded animal, I sobbed from the pit of my stomach and screamed inaudible screams from somewhere deep inside of me
I was home, I felt I was in a safe place, safe company and then it happened - it was like all the balls I had been juggling came crashing down – the shock started to rip through me and I could neither stop shaking or crying – I sounded like a wounded animal, I sobbed from the pit of my stomach and screamed inaudible screams from somewhere deep inside of me
The lid had come off the pressure cooker all the
parts of my life affected by this accident all the concerns I have, all the fears I
have, whats happening in my professional life, how will this affect my private life, will my movement be ok, everything just came crashing in at the same time.
Not pretty and prehaps even scary to watch .
At some stage I must have run out of steam as I woke on the sofa in the small hours alone and in mental and physical pain.
Not pretty and prehaps even scary to watch .
At some stage I must have run out of steam as I woke on the sofa in the small hours alone and in mental and physical pain.
Monday morning I got a friend to take me to the doctors – still shaking and emotional I explain my story, describe the evening I have had, she explains
that the shock the trauma was bound to find its way out somehow and at some time - her advice seek a therapist, take things easy and be gentle with myself.
So from then my personal spiritual practice has taken
a bigger role in my day. Mindfulness [while being a challenge] is playing its
part
My search for a therapist still goes on – but that too
seems to be a mind field of who does what, where they are based, if they are
free or indeed if I can gain access to their rooms !! but I will succeed
I can tell you this accident has affected those around me in very
different ways, some negative some positive, the only thing I know is
that everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have - me included !!
To everyone for all your love and support, you know who you are again I say thank you and I hear you x
Namaste